Time flows.
Just like cruising on a river, sceneries look the same yet different.
I didn't realise the length of my journey until I look back.
There are people who cruise much faster, leaving me behind.
There are people who cruise much slower, being left behind.
There are people who cruise with me, but until when we'll be side by side?
It's easy to see the change in others.
Yet I can't help to feel that I'm still the same ol' me somehow.
I saw my pictures years ago.
There is one album where I was a kid, I definitely changed both physically and mentally.
There is one album where I was still in Indonesia, got me a reminiscence of my high school life, and I know I changed.
There is one album where I was in College, and I know I changed as well.
Then there is this album where I was in University, just one or two years apart from the present me right now. I know my look changed a bit, but personality-wise, did I change?
I didn't realise any, until I saw a mirror and I saw my reflection there.
That person in the mirror told me, "You changed."
It struck to me, I was silent for a few second, my mind was processing and comparing the "Me" now and "Me" in the past.
It is true that I definitely change, but by how much? How different I am compared to I was?
The room was silent but between me and the guy in mirror there were some noise.
We weren't arguing, neither that we were discussing.
I was merely him telling me story in speed faster than light which explained to me years of stories in just seconds. It was just like a one-way conversation, he didn't respond to any I said, he just kept on telling these stories.
"How good the change was? And how bad?"
"How different I am now?"
With all our conversation, it was still not enough to find out.
It's because we're dealing with the present, you can't judge any in the present and the future, you can only judge the past.
You'll find your answers if it has turned into past.
So I just smiled and told him, "I won't regret my past, otherwise I'll be denying everything I have at the moment."
Then he just smiled, his first respond to me since he started his story, and said, "See how much you've changed now. I can see a little bit of regret, but that's fine. I can see you are grateful with all you have now. I can see you not denying your past anymore."
He tried to pat my head, but unfortunately his hand couldn't reach over the mirror. Seeing that, we just giggled a little and put our hands together in the border between reality and the mirror. "We changed."
I'll close my eyes.
I'll calm myself
I'll make new resolutions.
And when I open my eyes, there will be another brand new me, changed from the boy who was here minutes ago.......
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Highlight the Future
It's been more than 4 years since I came to Australia to study.
At last it has come to an end, not that I've seen my final result yet but yeah I know I did well.
There has been many things happening this year, even if 2011 has less than two months left, I know there are still heaps to come.
Let's see the future that is already foreseen as the highlight for this remaining time....
1. I'm going to Cairns with my housemates this Sunday, arriving back in Melbourne on Thursday night.
2. My brother's coming next week, Saturday to be exact. I'm so thrilled, I'm so happy I can't really express it with words, I've been longing for a family member to come to Melbourne.
3. French Festival (Paris to Provence) [25th-27th November 2011]. Yup, I will surely come for this one, I will drag my brother here along with my friends, it's gonna be merry!
4. On Monday, I'm going to Gold Coast with my brother and 3 friends. Three nights should be enough to play there, too bad I need to work on Friday, otherwise I would be more than happy to extend our stay.
5. My parents are coming here on 10th December to attend my graduation which will be on 15th! I'm not too excited with the graduation itself, I'm much more happier to spend family time together, too bad my sister can't come due to exam.
6. There will be Xmas Eve and New Year Eve Party at a friend's house, he already asked me to vacate my time on those two days.
There will be lots more going on, those are just the highlights, I will help my brother find a job as he'll start uni in February, I will look for a job myself, I hope I can get one before this year end. I also need to prepare for my visa application, fingers crossed on that one.
At last it has come to an end, not that I've seen my final result yet but yeah I know I did well.
There has been many things happening this year, even if 2011 has less than two months left, I know there are still heaps to come.
Let's see the future that is already foreseen as the highlight for this remaining time....
1. I'm going to Cairns with my housemates this Sunday, arriving back in Melbourne on Thursday night.
2. My brother's coming next week, Saturday to be exact. I'm so thrilled, I'm so happy I can't really express it with words, I've been longing for a family member to come to Melbourne.
3. French Festival (Paris to Provence) [25th-27th November 2011]. Yup, I will surely come for this one, I will drag my brother here along with my friends, it's gonna be merry!
4. On Monday, I'm going to Gold Coast with my brother and 3 friends. Three nights should be enough to play there, too bad I need to work on Friday, otherwise I would be more than happy to extend our stay.
5. My parents are coming here on 10th December to attend my graduation which will be on 15th! I'm not too excited with the graduation itself, I'm much more happier to spend family time together, too bad my sister can't come due to exam.
6. There will be Xmas Eve and New Year Eve Party at a friend's house, he already asked me to vacate my time on those two days.
There will be lots more going on, those are just the highlights, I will help my brother find a job as he'll start uni in February, I will look for a job myself, I hope I can get one before this year end. I also need to prepare for my visa application, fingers crossed on that one.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Life Lecture
Today's the day before my exam, the one and only.
I did some laundry as it was sunny this morning.
Had lunch with my friend, went over to a cafe to have coffee and dessert, had some fruits at home.
Well, it was just some kind of every day activity, might be boring if that's all, I won't bother to write anything anyway.
It happened just now, this evening, when my brother told me that he's coming end of this month.
He was booking a ticket, didn't buy it as he hasn't finished his visa application.
He still need to do medical check-up before his visa can be granted.
So we were discussing about when he should arrive in Melbourne.
He told me he's coming on 26th Nov - "Oh no, that's when the French Festival is!"
"How about 25th?"
"Erm, no, flights are full on 24th, so I can't arrive on 25th, but I can come on 24th...."
"(Another "Oh no!") Erm, can't do....."
And conversation went around talking about him can arrive on either 25th or 26th and me planning on taking him along to Gold Coast on 28th. It was okay until my father joined the conversation. "I had a baaaaddd feeling about this...." And here goes, sometimes even my hunches can be right.
"So you're going to Cairns, and the week after that you're going to Gold Coast???" my dad asked in the middle of our 'soon-to-be argument' conversation, things have been heating up for quite awhile now.
"(S**t, s**t, S**T! I wasn't really planning on telling him about it, at least for now....)"
And he started lecturing me, about my past mistakes and stuffs.
I couldn't think that straight anymore, can only stare on his hordes of sentences he threw at me at once. I couldn't even concentrate on my exercises I was doing anymore. Then I realised some kind of heat on my ears, I can tell that they are bright red, it feels like my father's words were said right next to my ears directly.
Well, can't do anything anymore, I was too excited on going for trips and whoever mentioned going to someplace interesting, I just can't help but fit things to my schedule, my bad habit for sure. This is when you are wrong when you plan ahead, perhaps.
But I need to admit, I went a bit too far this time, not just one but TWO trips? And moreover I still planned some more! I think I overdid it for real, blinded by the illusion of graduation and getting a job. Now I'm being slapped back to reality, my father's telling me that those are illusions if I don't focus on tomorrow's exam.
Well, sometimes in life even planning something one month ahead is too early. Sometimes you just have to focus what's in front of you. When you get your priority right, you'll understand. If I don't pass tomorrow's exam, graduation and job are just a dream.
Even though I'm not that happy with all those lectures, my dad has a point. It was just another reminder for me, a virtual slap, to wake up from these delusions and march forward for the mean time.
Time to hit the books and notes again, get some rest, then revise again tomorrow morning.
I know everything will be fine, I know I'll pass this, I know I can do it.
Have faith in self and effort.
I did some laundry as it was sunny this morning.
Had lunch with my friend, went over to a cafe to have coffee and dessert, had some fruits at home.
Well, it was just some kind of every day activity, might be boring if that's all, I won't bother to write anything anyway.
It happened just now, this evening, when my brother told me that he's coming end of this month.
He was booking a ticket, didn't buy it as he hasn't finished his visa application.
He still need to do medical check-up before his visa can be granted.
So we were discussing about when he should arrive in Melbourne.
He told me he's coming on 26th Nov - "Oh no, that's when the French Festival is!"
"How about 25th?"
"Erm, no, flights are full on 24th, so I can't arrive on 25th, but I can come on 24th...."
"(Another "Oh no!") Erm, can't do....."
And conversation went around talking about him can arrive on either 25th or 26th and me planning on taking him along to Gold Coast on 28th. It was okay until my father joined the conversation. "I had a baaaaddd feeling about this...." And here goes, sometimes even my hunches can be right.
"So you're going to Cairns, and the week after that you're going to Gold Coast???" my dad asked in the middle of our 'soon-to-be argument' conversation, things have been heating up for quite awhile now.
"(S**t, s**t, S**T! I wasn't really planning on telling him about it, at least for now....)"
And he started lecturing me, about my past mistakes and stuffs.
I couldn't think that straight anymore, can only stare on his hordes of sentences he threw at me at once. I couldn't even concentrate on my exercises I was doing anymore. Then I realised some kind of heat on my ears, I can tell that they are bright red, it feels like my father's words were said right next to my ears directly.
Well, can't do anything anymore, I was too excited on going for trips and whoever mentioned going to someplace interesting, I just can't help but fit things to my schedule, my bad habit for sure. This is when you are wrong when you plan ahead, perhaps.
But I need to admit, I went a bit too far this time, not just one but TWO trips? And moreover I still planned some more! I think I overdid it for real, blinded by the illusion of graduation and getting a job. Now I'm being slapped back to reality, my father's telling me that those are illusions if I don't focus on tomorrow's exam.
Well, sometimes in life even planning something one month ahead is too early. Sometimes you just have to focus what's in front of you. When you get your priority right, you'll understand. If I don't pass tomorrow's exam, graduation and job are just a dream.
Even though I'm not that happy with all those lectures, my dad has a point. It was just another reminder for me, a virtual slap, to wake up from these delusions and march forward for the mean time.
Time to hit the books and notes again, get some rest, then revise again tomorrow morning.
I know everything will be fine, I know I'll pass this, I know I can do it.
Have faith in self and effort.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Fill My Cup
Tuesday, 1st November 2011 was Melbourne Cup Day, it was a state public holiday, i.e. most workers in Victoria had their holiday yesterday. By the saying most, I mean some are unfortunate to work when everyone's working, these includes restaurants, supermarkets, and office.
Some might think why some offices still open even though it's a public holiday. The answer to that is because it is not a national holiday, so companies with national or international scale have to force themselves to force their employees to work!
But that doesn't come without compensation, full-time workers can choose between extra annual leave or double pay, whereas casual workers are awarded with triple pay, now that's a lot of money!
As for me, I have no classes as I'll be having exam and I have no work. As a matter of fact, I refused to, as my exam is coming up this friday, I'd better get myself to rest or study. I spent my morning for a yum cha in Gold Leaf restaurant, Springvale. My first time there, as I rarely go for yum cha due to them being pricey. Was pretty surprised with how big the restaurant was, the food was quite oily, but overall it was good. Then I had a Vietnamese Iced Coffee before going back home and spent the rest of the day relaxing. Nothing interesting that day, despite most people getting worked up on the Melbourne Cup and exams, for some of Monash students.
Speaking about CUP, I recalled my conversation with my friends last week about filling someone's cup. And it brought me back to when I was still in home stay, about 3 years ago. Funny simple topic, CUP.
"How much are you going to fill someone's cup?"
"Full? How do you define your full? Overfilling it?"
"Fill my cup!"
"Is that the right amount?"
The story starts here...
My friend overfilled my cup that day, I used to overfill when I pour someone a drink.
By overfilling, we fill it so full the liquid almost touch the mouth of the cup!
Our mindset was the same, when want to pour as much as we can to the cup.
And then I realised, maybe that's the mindset for Asians, or maybe only Indonesians, I don't know.
I still remember clearly that how it happened when I overfill my host mother's cup with a tea.
She told me not to overfill cup, maintain some space so when someone's lifting his/her cup, it won't drip easily. I made sense to me, I used to be the very careful one to drink from overfilled cup.
Moreover, my host mother said that if you overfill someone's cup, that means you have something against that person! I was really surprised when hearing that. Talk about manner, maybe that's how European do! Yes they really love drinking tea, they were really a kind of noble and picky people, in my eyes, so I can imagine how you will overfill one's cup if you are mad, angry, or offended.
From that time on, I fill just the right amount of drink, not too much, but not to be seen as less either, just right. And I tried to tell my friends who did the same mistake as mine.
And somehow, I can't get my mind off this music when I heard the word "CUP".
Some might think why some offices still open even though it's a public holiday. The answer to that is because it is not a national holiday, so companies with national or international scale have to force themselves to force their employees to work!
But that doesn't come without compensation, full-time workers can choose between extra annual leave or double pay, whereas casual workers are awarded with triple pay, now that's a lot of money!
As for me, I have no classes as I'll be having exam and I have no work. As a matter of fact, I refused to, as my exam is coming up this friday, I'd better get myself to rest or study. I spent my morning for a yum cha in Gold Leaf restaurant, Springvale. My first time there, as I rarely go for yum cha due to them being pricey. Was pretty surprised with how big the restaurant was, the food was quite oily, but overall it was good. Then I had a Vietnamese Iced Coffee before going back home and spent the rest of the day relaxing. Nothing interesting that day, despite most people getting worked up on the Melbourne Cup and exams, for some of Monash students.
Speaking about CUP, I recalled my conversation with my friends last week about filling someone's cup. And it brought me back to when I was still in home stay, about 3 years ago. Funny simple topic, CUP.
"How much are you going to fill someone's cup?"
"Full? How do you define your full? Overfilling it?"
"Fill my cup!"
(For illustration only. Picture from http://www.aspetto.com/Houseware_Hearts_a_Plenty_cups.jpg)
"Is that the right amount?"
The story starts here...
My friend overfilled my cup that day, I used to overfill when I pour someone a drink.
By overfilling, we fill it so full the liquid almost touch the mouth of the cup!
Our mindset was the same, when want to pour as much as we can to the cup.
And then I realised, maybe that's the mindset for Asians, or maybe only Indonesians, I don't know.
I still remember clearly that how it happened when I overfill my host mother's cup with a tea.
She told me not to overfill cup, maintain some space so when someone's lifting his/her cup, it won't drip easily. I made sense to me, I used to be the very careful one to drink from overfilled cup.
Moreover, my host mother said that if you overfill someone's cup, that means you have something against that person! I was really surprised when hearing that. Talk about manner, maybe that's how European do! Yes they really love drinking tea, they were really a kind of noble and picky people, in my eyes, so I can imagine how you will overfill one's cup if you are mad, angry, or offended.
From that time on, I fill just the right amount of drink, not too much, but not to be seen as less either, just right. And I tried to tell my friends who did the same mistake as mine.
And somehow, I can't get my mind off this music when I heard the word "CUP".