?Friendship?

I don't care anymore if it's being exposed and everyone get to know about this and "that person" become angrier, because I really need to express this somewhere. *desperate

Well, let's start.....

Just say that there is A and B, both are my good friends. One of them is my ex-housemate, and the other is my housemate.

These two got into some kind of dispute.
A accidentally said something wrong, that annoyed B so much.
B has been avoiding A the whole night.
B told me about this matter.

The next day, A has been trying to contact B, A knew that something's wrong and he wanted to say sorry if he did something wrong to B.
As B didn't answer any of call or messages, A decided to contact me, who was on a meeting.
I left the meeting room, and A sounded very sad on the phone.
At first I recall that B didn't want A to know, B just wanted to stay silent, and B wanted me to stay silent too.

But I think it will be unfair, both A and B are best friends.
I decided to leave a hint to A, asking him, "What happened last night?"
Then, I hung up, saying that I'm in the middle of the meeting.

Unexpectedly, B asked me if I told A about that matter. I freaked out, and all my messages sent to B was really going around and around.
B got mad, he messaged me all awful sentences that pierced right through my heart.
I was very depressed, B never did that to anyone, not even to A.
B didn't like it even if I left that kind of hint to A.

I felt very guilty, I rushed back quickly, luckily the meeting place and my home is close by.
I really wanted to clarify everything and apologize to B.
I was really terrified and unsettled, so I called A, explaining the situation.
A didn't believe me at first, as he knew B for so long and it never happened before.
My tears almost flow out that A felt really terrible.

I reached home quite quickly.
I rushed to B's room, knocked his door.
B opened his door slightly and said that he's changing clothes, asking me to wait.
I waited there for several minutes, I knew B was taking his time, not only to change clothes, but arranging his room.
By the time he came out he just passed me, as if I'm not there, not just once, twice, or maybe even more.
I was quite dissapointed that time, I really wanted to apologize sincerely and he pushed me away like that.

That day I went to bed quite early, then in the middle of the night, B came back home with my other housemate. B was complaining about something, I'm pretty sure it was about me and A, and he said really mean, harsh words.
It was really heartbreaking, I didn't even dare to try to approach him to apologize anymore.

The next day, I woke up the earliest among all.
I couldn't imagine my time here, being ignored by a housemate. What's worst, it will be another semester until our rent finished.
I really can't stand it, so I browse the internet, looking for accommodation around city. Yes, I'm planning to move out soon.
It's not only because of this, I've experienced this kind of ignorance in our apartment before.
I really wish for a place where all housemates are like families, so I think that actually we were not meant to be housemates. Luckily, I found one nice place, near the station in the middle of the city, only 5 minutes walk to Melbourne Central Station, very comfy.
I decided to email the agent, it's a student accommodation, so they should be able to help me.
Sharing with stranger will do to me right now, as I won't put my expectations about "housemates' too high. Living there will be close to everywhere around city, so I should be able to catch up with my friends easily.

Then, I went to church for afternoon mass in the city.
I was thinking that I need to consult the father after mass, but he said he was busy.
I don't know anymore, I wanted to talk to someone about this matter.
I called A again, explaining that I wanted to move out. A asked me to reconsider this decision, as he judged that I was too hasty that time.
I took my time to calm myself by wandering around the supermarket, but I can't put myself at ease, I even almost throw out in the counter......

I went back home as soon as I finished groceries shopping.
I found B and my other housemate at home.
He didn't really reply me when I greeted him. I knew it, he's still very mad at me.
And I found out that B has not even talk to A yet.
Both A and me are very dissappointed in B.

I tried to approach B again, trying to apologize again.
But he just didn't want to talk to me, using excuses again, saying that he's studying for a test.
So he think he can't spare a few minutes for me apologizing to him at all?
I became quite furious, and now I really waited the answer from the agent. I really hoped that this agent will say that there's one room available, so I can move there ASAP!
I don't care, at least there's an agreement, I can move out, with a bit of price as sacrifice, but it will be fine with me.
It's gonna be exam soon, I really don't want anything like this to happen, I'd rather dissappear from here as soon as I can.
I wouldn't care about what other people would say about me, I really want to get good marks this year, I can't let this trivial matter disturb my study.

And what's worse, he tweeted about me (even if he didn't tag me), and it's like saying: "I won't forgive you."
OK! FINE! It's even better now, I can move out lightheartedly, without any worries at all!
Oh my god..... I'm really really in the worst mental state this year.

I would like to call my family now, but I don't want to worry them.
The only one I can talk to is my sister, but she can't be contacted yet, I think she's going out or something.....

What's left? This blog! I don't care anymore, hell yeah, read this, and spread it, I wouldn't care less.......

This is the hurdle of friendship, it won't go smooth eternally.
I know that.
This is the test of friendship, once we pass this, we'll be closer.
But I can't see the way to solve this.
Because of one thing....

Remember one thing, I always always tried this, and this rule is not to be broken:
Even if you are angry, mad, full of hatred....
Do not say something over the line....
As it will close the door, shut it tight, locked, never to be opened again.
You know your heart is hurt, but hurting back is just.....
You need to calm down yourself first, holding back not to hurt others.....

Remember your prayer, the prayer that god taught you:
"Our father"
Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Yes, if you want to be forgiven, forgive others.
This is what my mom told me when I was little.

Wow, I wrote so much.....
I didn't realize that! But I still want to write more....
There's so much emotion that I need to pour somewhere....

But maybe this is it, I'll write again next time, or maybe now, in the next post? haha.....