Back to That Pedestal

You know, I've been comparing every segments of my life to each other. There's primary school, junior high school, senior high school, college, uni.... And they are all broken to small parts which I compared with my life now.

There are times on a Sunday when I thought, "I didn't have the luxury to enjoy Sundays last semester."
Sometimes I thought, "Did I cook this much last year?"
"I tried harder last semester."
"I was such a lazy boy two years ago."
"How could I perform that well in College?"
"I was such a brat before coming to Melbourne."

There are plus and minus in every time of my life. And what I need to do now, knowing I am already 21 and closing to 22, is to gather all those information, experiences, and spirit to be a better person.

"I need to be hardworking like last semester."
"I want the confidence from last year."
"I am to be a critical thinker when I was in College."
"I have to be patient like the me in high school."

I realise that life's all about balance. I've been trying to find out that balance, but I know 21 years not a long time to gain it, but it's not a short time either, it will all be about my effort to do so.

There are so many "to-do's" and "not-to-do's" in my list. They are piling up, sometimes I lose track to some of them. Everyone wants to be perfect, but facing reality, all we can do is only "close to perfection", and that's what I'm aiming for right now.

I compared my life now with in the past. "I want to be as hardworking like last semester, but do I want the life where I could hardly meet my friends?" "I think I need to be like last year when I was confidence and surrounded by many friends, but was lazy and kept on over spending my parent's money?"

Questions, Reflections......... And find your solution.

Time's running, but time's the one to teach you, to give you experience.

I will question myself, "which one's good for me?"
I will reflect to myself, "which was bad that time?"

These are not regret, even though I had a slight regret, but it's all in the past, I am partly glad. If not because failing, I wouldn't have learnt, I wouldn't have meet those people, I wouldn't be introduced to French. In business term, we call it "Opportunity Costs".

I will take every small rocks of goods from the past and try my best to bring it to present. I will build a pedestal from these rocks for my future. Where I can stand with confidence, just like last year, but with a perfectly built pedestal this time to hold my life till my end of time.