Home???

Home is supposed to be friendly, warm, safe.... Basically a place to live.

I can call my house in Jogja a home definitely....
It's a place where my family live, they give me warmth and security.
I enjoy living there.

How about the apartment I'm living in Melbourne at the moment?
I don't know, there always problems surfacing whenever things started to calm down, it's just like the sea where you always have tides.
When my housemates are quarreling, things are being awkward here.
When they are friendly to each other, it seems like I don't exist anymore...
Don't you feel offended that way? They watched movie together, knowing that I am around, didn't say anything and suddenly watch movie together....
They plan to go out enjoying day-off, knowing me having day-off as well, but didn't ask me.

Is it wrong for three of us to share an apartment in the first place?
Yes, something surely is wrong, don't ask me what how when why where.....
I tried to be positive but I just can't at the moment....
With so many things going on, work, study, volunteer.... My body can't cope anymore, especially with things going around the house....

Is it wrong for me to wish that a home is the only support when I feel that everything's gone wrong? Can't I wish that we, three of us, spend time together on our free time to support each other and chill out as housemates?

Anyway, I just need a place to share my feelings.
If I mention this to my family, they'll be attacking with me moving to city is wrong and blah blah blah.... which prove that me moving out from Clayton is a mistake.
Well, I did admit that it is a mistake at one point, but I just don't want to admit it to my parents yet....

I know it's a mistake and I know it's up to me to fix it. I'll try to see the situation first about this apartment. And in regards to work and study, I'll prove myself that I can handle it, be it storm be it thunder, none is to stop me.

Time to go back to study!