Crippling Down

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

I woke up at 8AM and as usual, I procrastinated getting up by cuddling in my bed until I realised that my clock showed 9AM past. Feeling so bad, I washed my face and had breakfast before going to uni.

It is such a sunny day like yesterday, just a bit warmer.
I arrived at uni 10AM past, hit the desk with a computer for a few minutes and grabbed today's newspaper before taking off to city.

Had some sushi rolls as soon as I arrived in the station in the city from Sushi Sushi, their vegetarian roll was unexpectedly really good, I'm surprised. After gulping two sushi rolls I went to my friend's house, we're going for a jog!

There were three of us going for a jog, Windu, Dimas, and I. We jogged one lap each in Fawkner Park and Botanical Garden, it took us 2 hours for these two laps. Then we went for a quick grocery then I cooked spaghetti Bolognese for lunch.

Time showed 5PM, Windu and I went to the city. We bought skipping ropes.
Ten to six, it's peak hour and not a good time to hop into the train to go home.
I decided to drop off at Windu's uni, I've been curious with what Fashion students do, might be a good idea to kill about half an hour before going home.
And turned out that Windu is doing her assignment in the same classroom as Rica.
I looked at her carton paper and decided to help her with folding it, we had this conversation where Dimas offered help to Rica in doing her assignment.
It was harder than I thought it would be, and I lost track of time.

Suddenly Dimas called. He asked me where I am, his typical question before asking other things.
I told him I'm in campus, doing assignment, he was surprised, of course, and wanted to call back later.
So I told him that I'm with Rica, helping her assignment, he was surprised, again, and just asked me to tell Rica that he said hi before he hung up.

I just realised that it's already 8PM, the clock in the classroom showed it was only 7PM, maybe they forgot to set the time an hour forward for daylight savings.

Then it started.....

Dimas started messaging me, saying that he's annoyed that I didn't remind him about helping Rica.
At first I replied casually, with a bit of laugh until I read carefully and see that he's not happy with the situation. We had and argument, over Blackberry Messaging. He said that he don't want to talk about it anymore, yet somehow keep yapping about it, which, of course, annoyed me.

I had enough headache trying to fold the carton when he messaged me every minute and I had to stop folding and replied to his complaint. He told me how annoyed he is with me. I told him to stop the topic for now as it was giving me a headache.
And suddenly he said, "Omg, I feel like I don't know you anymore, you were not like before."(translated)
"(Ok, who wanted to drop this topic first?)"
"Yes, people changed, and annoyed people is different."
He thought that I was covering that I was helping Rica, can't he think "What for?"

"So if I told you that I'm Rica's campus, will you come here straight away?" I asked.
He answered, "Of course! Do you know what's promise? Promise."
When I asked him why he didn't come after the phone call, and just asked me to say hi, guess what's the answer?
"Coz I'm already annoyed with you, I'm too lazy to go. I can't help people when I'm annoyed, I'll say sorry to Rica."

"(WHAT THE ****?)"
Really? So his promise is actually just as far as his mood then. If he is in a good mood, he'll keep his promise. But if he's not in good mood, he'll just say sorry.
And he still try to be like an adult and told me this and that and "I won't tell Rica about this."
"(God damn it, F U) Just tell her." I answered.

Back to That Pedestal

You know, I've been comparing every segments of my life to each other. There's primary school, junior high school, senior high school, college, uni.... And they are all broken to small parts which I compared with my life now.

There are times on a Sunday when I thought, "I didn't have the luxury to enjoy Sundays last semester."
Sometimes I thought, "Did I cook this much last year?"
"I tried harder last semester."
"I was such a lazy boy two years ago."
"How could I perform that well in College?"
"I was such a brat before coming to Melbourne."

There are plus and minus in every time of my life. And what I need to do now, knowing I am already 21 and closing to 22, is to gather all those information, experiences, and spirit to be a better person.

"I need to be hardworking like last semester."
"I want the confidence from last year."
"I am to be a critical thinker when I was in College."
"I have to be patient like the me in high school."

I realise that life's all about balance. I've been trying to find out that balance, but I know 21 years not a long time to gain it, but it's not a short time either, it will all be about my effort to do so.

There are so many "to-do's" and "not-to-do's" in my list. They are piling up, sometimes I lose track to some of them. Everyone wants to be perfect, but facing reality, all we can do is only "close to perfection", and that's what I'm aiming for right now.

I compared my life now with in the past. "I want to be as hardworking like last semester, but do I want the life where I could hardly meet my friends?" "I think I need to be like last year when I was confidence and surrounded by many friends, but was lazy and kept on over spending my parent's money?"

Questions, Reflections......... And find your solution.

Time's running, but time's the one to teach you, to give you experience.

I will question myself, "which one's good for me?"
I will reflect to myself, "which was bad that time?"

These are not regret, even though I had a slight regret, but it's all in the past, I am partly glad. If not because failing, I wouldn't have learnt, I wouldn't have meet those people, I wouldn't be introduced to French. In business term, we call it "Opportunity Costs".

I will take every small rocks of goods from the past and try my best to bring it to present. I will build a pedestal from these rocks for my future. Where I can stand with confidence, just like last year, but with a perfectly built pedestal this time to hold my life till my end of time.

Today was Nothing

Maybe people will ask, "What do you mean?"

And me (or the other person) will answer, "It's coz I did nothing at all."

"Well, you hanged around with friends, you made a call, you arranged meeting, it's not in vain!" that person replied.

If you think positively, yes. I did make a call to arrange meeting for a sponsorship for my club's event. And I arranged a meeting for my work.

But think in different perspective, that was all about work or something vocational.
I, as a student, has a main obligation to study, which means that I need to focus on my EXAM!

If you are seeing from this very perspective, you'll see that I did nothing, all I did today was not about study at all, it was not effective at all.
I'm quite dissapointed in myself, but at least I released a bit of a burden from my back so I can concentrate more on my study (hopefully).

Actually I wanted to study as soon as I arrived home.
But maybe today was not my day at all. Look! There are lots of guest here!
This means I can't use the dining table which is my usual place to study.
So I decided to stay in my room, but great, you should know that there is no such thing like table to study, there's only bed.
I tried to study on my bed, it is inconvenient enough and people are playing music outside.

It was fine at first, since I can cancel out their music with earphones.
But hey, suddenly I heard some dissonance, it sounds like......
VIOLIN!
Yes! That stupid housemate of mine played his violin too!
God, the earth cracked, so do my concentration now.
Sleeping is also not an option as violin's sounds are annoying enough.

It's not like that I hate violin, but of course you would expect soothing melody coming out from such an instrument.
But I realise that is one impossible wish if you know that the player is not a professional.
So you would expect a cry from the violin instead of a lovely tune.

Ahh.....
I really hope that I can do well in this last exam of the semester.
I think I need to pull an all-nighter these two days in order to finish revising all of the materials.

Pfffttt......
I think I'd better prepare anything that I might need in order to keep me focused on my study, at least for the next hour.

Ok, enough talk, I need to resume my study and STOP COMPLAINING!!!