Annoyance and Apologising

Continuance from previous post, as I thought that I'll try to set a length limit to each of my post.
It was about the scene, and now it will be about what I feel, and a bit of the past.

I saw this in Facebook just now, something that I gave a thought like 10 minutes before, about apologising.

APOLOGISING

Does not always mean you are wrong and the other person is right.

It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.

Yes, I realised I've been apologising to him every time I made mistakes.
But guess what? Every time I'm mad with him he never said a single sorry and just acted normally until I don't know how things turned out and things "seemed" to be normal "somehow".
Well, I think he apologised before of miscommunication, but still, it was only once from God knows how many.
It may be cruel and sinful, but if people made mistakes to me and had not apologised yet, I can't seem to forget it, even when I acted normal.

I was quite offended where he just called me, talked normally, then suddenly wrote how annoyed he is with me via message. I would give him a "Talk to my hand" if I'm really mean.

And how he was so inconsistent in stating "how important a promise is" but it can be swayed easily by mood. Now look who should grow up?

It might be the second time I argued with him this year.
The first one was when he took so long just to answer my question of "Where will we go?"
I was working that time and told him how the weather is so good outside and I am considering to skip my culture lecture if we've got something much more interesting to do.
I got no answer, and just questions of "Decide to skip first, then we'll talk" stuff.
Hell he kept on asking me that question despite me asking things first.

And when I finished working and already decided to go to my lecture and sent message to confirm with my friend, he told me that he wanted to go to the beach.
I snapped of course, complaining about it and clearly wrote in a way that showed that I was annoyed.

Guess what? He acted like an adult and try to give me wisdom, in my point of view. I think that's his way to cover up his mistakes and try to make it cool with a "wow" factor.
But sorry, it won't work on me like that, it just snapped me again.

Sometimes I feel that I am the only one valuing the relationship, which I know it is a mistake.
But at least, I tried to think things through without being taken over by my ego. If I let my ego slipped, it would have been about May or July last year, when we had a big fight, that I decided to cut connection with him.

There were times as well when I though that it might be better to keep a distance with him.
But I thought through it again, and try to picture the good times against all those bad times, how I value these friendship.

Is it only me?
Is it a mistake?
Should I really keep a distance after all?

I don't know. Honestly, it comes in a really bad timing. I still have assignments, I'm still confused with my future, and I'm still struggling with my CV and cover letters.
I know I can't make a good decision without a cool head, I'll just leave it as it is for now.

Crippling Down

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

I woke up at 8AM and as usual, I procrastinated getting up by cuddling in my bed until I realised that my clock showed 9AM past. Feeling so bad, I washed my face and had breakfast before going to uni.

It is such a sunny day like yesterday, just a bit warmer.
I arrived at uni 10AM past, hit the desk with a computer for a few minutes and grabbed today's newspaper before taking off to city.

Had some sushi rolls as soon as I arrived in the station in the city from Sushi Sushi, their vegetarian roll was unexpectedly really good, I'm surprised. After gulping two sushi rolls I went to my friend's house, we're going for a jog!

There were three of us going for a jog, Windu, Dimas, and I. We jogged one lap each in Fawkner Park and Botanical Garden, it took us 2 hours for these two laps. Then we went for a quick grocery then I cooked spaghetti Bolognese for lunch.

Time showed 5PM, Windu and I went to the city. We bought skipping ropes.
Ten to six, it's peak hour and not a good time to hop into the train to go home.
I decided to drop off at Windu's uni, I've been curious with what Fashion students do, might be a good idea to kill about half an hour before going home.
And turned out that Windu is doing her assignment in the same classroom as Rica.
I looked at her carton paper and decided to help her with folding it, we had this conversation where Dimas offered help to Rica in doing her assignment.
It was harder than I thought it would be, and I lost track of time.

Suddenly Dimas called. He asked me where I am, his typical question before asking other things.
I told him I'm in campus, doing assignment, he was surprised, of course, and wanted to call back later.
So I told him that I'm with Rica, helping her assignment, he was surprised, again, and just asked me to tell Rica that he said hi before he hung up.

I just realised that it's already 8PM, the clock in the classroom showed it was only 7PM, maybe they forgot to set the time an hour forward for daylight savings.

Then it started.....

Dimas started messaging me, saying that he's annoyed that I didn't remind him about helping Rica.
At first I replied casually, with a bit of laugh until I read carefully and see that he's not happy with the situation. We had and argument, over Blackberry Messaging. He said that he don't want to talk about it anymore, yet somehow keep yapping about it, which, of course, annoyed me.

I had enough headache trying to fold the carton when he messaged me every minute and I had to stop folding and replied to his complaint. He told me how annoyed he is with me. I told him to stop the topic for now as it was giving me a headache.
And suddenly he said, "Omg, I feel like I don't know you anymore, you were not like before."(translated)
"(Ok, who wanted to drop this topic first?)"
"Yes, people changed, and annoyed people is different."
He thought that I was covering that I was helping Rica, can't he think "What for?"

"So if I told you that I'm Rica's campus, will you come here straight away?" I asked.
He answered, "Of course! Do you know what's promise? Promise."
When I asked him why he didn't come after the phone call, and just asked me to say hi, guess what's the answer?
"Coz I'm already annoyed with you, I'm too lazy to go. I can't help people when I'm annoyed, I'll say sorry to Rica."

"(WHAT THE ****?)"
Really? So his promise is actually just as far as his mood then. If he is in a good mood, he'll keep his promise. But if he's not in good mood, he'll just say sorry.
And he still try to be like an adult and told me this and that and "I won't tell Rica about this."
"(God damn it, F U) Just tell her." I answered.

Another new month

It is October 3rd, 2011.
Time in my 15" macbook is showing 6.40PM.
It is still bright outside, just like a sunny 4PM.

Yet I'm typing in my room without light, it feels pretty dark despite natural sunlight coming from my windows.
My housemate came out from his room and we went to living room to watched yesterday's recorded Junior Master Chef.

It's the first week of October, the weather forecast is saying that it will be an either warm day all week with a bit shower on Thursday and Friday.
In this week, I'll be applying for jobs, hoping to secure a spot for either December of February.
Thinking about it stressed me out, I will be applying for Masters degree as well, but I don't really want to do it as I actually am interested in learning other stuff than accounting or finance.
I do wish that this new month will give me good news.

Let's get to the actual good news.
My brother passed his IELTS test, with reading of 9, surprise surprise......
My parents will try their best to put him in the October intake.
I really wish that he can come this exact month.
I do have friends here, but sometimes it gets lonely and I get homesick.
I felt like I want to go to the airport and hop into the first flight to Indonesia straight away.
And no better cure for that than being with your family, right?
So fingers crossed he can come here, knowing that the enrolment starts next week....

So basically, hope that this month will be as nice as its weather to me. :)

Never Ending Cycle

Well, we live in this world with several cycles going on and on forever.

It's good if we can have long happy life and short sadness within, yet reality is cruel.
Ever since I entered Uni, my life cycle has been a terrible one, especially this year.

Short happiness, long pain which leave unforgettable scar.

Well, at certain point, I feel that it's a valuable experience which I won't get if I didn't come to Australia for sure. But some of this pain.... I just want to forget it, I want to leave it, I want to destroy this cycle.

What do you feel when you are a soft person living with 2 obstinate housemates?
It's terrible really, sometimes I'm regretting my decision moving out (with them), but there are some experiences that I won't get if I didn't do that.
It is a cycle just like war, kept on repeating itself even when it's solved before, leaving another scar which one could not forget.
I'm just tired at the moment, seeing this condition, I moved here since I wished for a peaceful life, everyone in the house are close, I just wished for a warm place that I can call "home" just like my real home in Indonesia.

And now I know that it's just a wishful thinking, you won't find it.
All I need to do is just bear for it until next year, then I'll move with my brother who's coming to Melbourne! (not confirmed though)

What if he cancel the arrangement and decided to study somewhere else? Duh, I'll just move to a one-bedroom apartment or a share apartment instead, at least I don't need to care for the other party. I learn from my current housemates how to be hard-headed, should I say thanks?

Well, at least I've changed, regardless of this childish act, I'm still learning and I hope I'll be mature soon, so I can look for my brother here and give him guidance.
Somehow this is the only reason why I have not transferred to Malaysia, been wishing to go there for so long...

Anyway, what's wrong with me? It seems like I've been complaining when I'm blogging, ahahaa..... Sorry, but this is the only place that I can complain since I don't feel like complaining in either facebook nor twitter, too many people can see it.

Phew, I've been blogging all this time putting so few pictures, eh?
My friends who blogged always put some pictures, but in fact I'm so lazy to do that, ahaha.... I'll try my best to put pictures next time.

Ok, back to study, ciao!

End of Mid-break

Today.....

Daylight Saving starts,
is a warm and sunnny day,
I've got work at 6-9.30pm,
is the END OF MY MID-BREAK!

I've been having these negative thoughts because of it.
Maybe because I'll be having my exam in 3 weeks, I'm starting to freak out.
I still need time to study, my study mood hasn't come back to be, and I've got a little bit of trauma.

From this stressful feeling, I am thinking that I need some refreshment while studying bit by bit. So yesterday I went to my friend's house to cook together and enjoy lunch.
It's also to celebrate one of my friend's b'day who had her b'day earlier this week.

It was good. But there is one thing which ruin everything, work.
I am currently working at a Malaysian restaurant as a waiter.
The pay was not that good, but the colleagues and the work itself are satisfactory.
The problem is, yesterday was such a hectic day, I can still comprehend that. However, I met so many 'hard-to-deal-with' customers and it annoys me, for 5 freaking hours!
There are so many friends that I know who went to eat there, good to talk with them, but there is this one guy, acting all high and mighty (in my eyes) even if he's not better than me, the way he acted was like he was looking down at me. "Just PISS OFF!" is what I thought, his condition is nothing to be proud of yet he dare to do that? Ok, they tease me a bit, it's not a bad thing EXCEPT that they can't see others mood, and I was such a moody person that I am annoyed to the max.
At least I've got such a calm and cool (as well as ignorant at some certain point) personality that I've get to deal with all those 5-hour of work without any food or drink! I was at disbelieve as well, my colleagues at the bar didn't make any drinks for me even if I've asked the 3 times, once every hour, and their excuse was that they were very busy even if they were able to make drinks for everyone else except me, duh....

What ruined my day was this housemate of mine who's stressing out about his assignment.
No need to go for further details about his assignment, but I tried my best to support him all this time, trying to break the ice as much as I can.
And guess what, he recorded me. I forced him to delete it and he refused.
You need to know, he was so pissed of before when I recorded him, and I complied by deleting the file. See? Such a childish act of him.
Moreover, he kept on playing the video, laughing as much as he can.
I started to stop comprehending, I'm just too tired and too mad that time (not that I have stopped my anger though.
He kept on saying, I'm the type of people who remember." Yeah right, as if you remember on the case that I just mention before, he must have forgotten that, duh.
I DO REMEMBER AS WELL, and once it's gotten in my mind, it's there just like a root!

There are times when people need to apologise directly, especially in this case. Why? Because he's holding the video which I demand to delete. If he apologise today, I can get suspicious that he already back it up somewhere.

Oh well, he's the type who don't apologise anyway, can't expect much from any of my housemates. At least I get to know more even if I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this house already, glad to know it now, before extending contract or moving together to other place. Maybe I'm the type who need to stay in a one-bedroom apartment afterall.....

Oh such a negative minds I'm having, just wondering why all bad things have to be dumped on me at the same time, I'm hating it.

Ok, sunny day outside, need to be more positive, nothing you can do over something bad which happened already.

What to do? Think positive and think of what I can do for things like this not to happen again. I think I need to start browsing for those one-bedroom property for rent. Hey, wait, Let's just focus on exam first, that can come after that. :p